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The 12 Week Year — Chapter-19: 12 Week Commitments
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Chapter 19 12 Week Commitments This is an email I received from my friend Mick White. Today is my 36th birthday. This has been on my heart for a while. It’s time to share. Nearly two years ago (Gregorian Calendar, not 12 Week Year Calendar), we went through the 12 Week Year training. A lot has happened in those two years, personally and professionally. I want to share a story about how the 12 Week Year impacted me personally, as I know you hear all the time about the great things it’s doing in our business. In the afternoon of the second day of the workshop, you walked us through the concept of commitments, and you stated the four keys to successful commitments: 1. Burning desire; 2. Clear actions; 3. Count the costs; and 4. Act on commitments, not feelings. As I thought about what I was going to truly commit to doing (like Noah going after the mosquitoes), I wanted a true commitment that would change my life. I remember writing down my commitment and thinking to myself, “I hope nobody else sees this . . . and I certainly hope Brian doesn’t call on me to share my commitments.” You see, I wrote down that I was going to call my Mom every day Monday through Friday. It seems simple, doesn’t it? My Mom and I had a beautiful relationship. She was my biggest cheerleader. I was her rock. There was no woman like my mother. From September 30, 2009, to June 11, 2011, I called my mom every day, Monday through Friday (we took the weekends off). It wasn’t always easy to find the time during the day. It wasn’t always convenient. And unfortunately, I’m ashamed to say, at times it felt like a burden.
However, I do know this, it was the highlight of my mom’s day. Each and every time I called, it was the highlight of her day. Now, looking back, it was the highlight of my day. Because of that commitment I made on October 1, 2009, my mom and I talked on the phone at least 440 times during those 88 weeks. I have some priceless voicemails, many, many wonderful memories, and a deeper relationship with my mom. Friday June 11, 2011 was the last day I ever talked with my mom, as she died unexpectedly on Monday morning June 13, 2011. For my current 12 week plan, I wasn’t able to add “Call Mom every day, Monday through Friday” as a commitment. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t wish I could call her, and, on my birthday, I wish I could hear her voice. The commitment I made changed my life. I’m forever indebted to you. I’m COMMITTED to executing my new plan, as I work to be the person my mom always thought I was. In this message, I’m struck by how such a seemingly simple commitment can have such a profound effect. Sometimes it’s the tiniest of commitments that have the biggest impact when we follow through with them. Twelve week commitments can truly be life changing. The Power of Commitments Commitment is the second of the three principles of the 12 Week Year. It is defined in the American Heritage Dictionary, Fourth Edition, as “The state of being bound emotionally or intellectually to a course of action, or to another person or persons.” A commitment is a conscious decision to take specific action to create a desired result. Commitments are powerful. In a way, commitment is accountability projected into the future. You decide beforehand that you will do whatever it takes to reach your goal, and the more accountable you are, the more likely you will meet your commitments.
Commitment: “The state of being bound emotionally or intellectually to some course of action.” We all have examples in our lives of the power of commitment. A time when we locked on to a goal or objective and were willing to do whatever it took to reach it. Think back on a time like that for you. What were you feeling as you followed through and kept your commitment? How did it feel to reach your goal? How did it make you feel about your ability to reach other goals? How did the vision of your ultimate goal affect your decisions and actions, even when you were faced with adversity or were tempted to give up? I want to look at commitments on two levels. The first level describes what we refer to as personal commitments, those we make with ourselves. The second is about the commitments we make to others—our word. Let’s start with the personal commitments. Personal Commitments A personal commitment is a promise you make with yourself to take specific actions. It may be working out consistently, spending time with the family, stopping smoking, or making a certain number of sales calls each day. Take a few minutes right now and think about two personal commitments that you have made and kept with yourself. Identify two personal commitments you succeeded in keeping:
Now think about what the results were for you when you kept these commitments. How did you feel about yourself? Was it easier to make and
keep other self-promises later on as a result of keeping these? How did you feel about your ability to do what it took to get the result no matter what? Capture your thoughts below. Benefits of keeping personal commitments:
In Chapter 9 we discussed how powerful commitments are, and yet there are times when all of us struggle to follow through on the commitments we make. New Year’s resolutions are often great examples of this type of struggle. In fact, most New Year’s resolutions are abandoned long before the goal is even close to being realized. Let’s take a look at why that is. To frame your thinking, we will use an iceberg as a metaphor (see Figure 19.1). As you are probably aware, a small portion of an iceberg—approximately 10 percent— is above the waterline, with the bulk of the iceberg submerged below the waterline. What I’m suggesting is that human beings are much like icebergs in that, at any moment, there are only a small fraction of our thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations that we are aware of—above our waterline of consciousness. Figure 19.1 The Iceberg of Intentions.
Using the iceberg metaphor where do you think intentions fall: above the waterline or below? If you think about it, you will realize that intentions fall both above and below the waterline. What this means is that we have intentions that we are aware of—stated intentions—and those of which we are not aware—hidden intentions. Often, the stated intentions which I am aware of are in conflict with intentions that I am unaware of. Let’s look at an example of conflicting intentions. A common New Year’s resolution is to lose weight. During our workshop we often ask the question, “Who here is overweight by your own standard?” Typically at least half the hands go up. Consider the question for yourself: Are you overweight by your own standard? If your answer is yes, then you have conflicting intentions. At the 10 percent level, your intention is to reach your ideal weight, but at the 90 percent level, based on results, you have different intentions. When we ask participants to list some of the hidden intentions we get the following: I like to eat and don’t want to give up the enjoyment of food. I don’t want to get out of my warm bed to run in cold weather. I don’t want to expend effort.
I don’t see myself at that weight; I’ve always been heavy. There is not enough time. Technically, these reasons are the manifestations of deeper intentions, like the desire for comfort, pleasure, satisfaction, relaxation, entitlement, and so on. The point is that often hidden intentions exist below the waterline and conflict with our stated intentions, so we struggle to keep our commitments and following through on our intentions. Successful commitment occurs when your stated intentions are stronger than your hidden intentions, or when you consciously reconcile the conflict. Let’s look at a business example. For many sales professionals generating consistent referrals can be the difference between success and failure, but, even sales reps with a stated intention to ask for a certain number of referrals per week, often don’t ask. Clearly something is getting in the way. What might be some of the sales reps’ hidden intentions regarding asking for referrals? Possible hidden intentions: I haven’t earned the referral. I don’t want to risk the current sale by asking for a referral. I have a fear of rejection. I don’t want to appear needy. I want to be liked. It might make the situation uncomfortable. The probability of a sales rep with a set of hidden intentions like these asking for a referral is close to zero. To be effective the rep would need to first know that these intentions exist, and then reconcile them with the desire to gain referrals. In Chapter 9 we gave you four keys to successful commitments; as a reminder they are:
- Strong desire.
- Keystone actions.
- Count the costs.
- Act on commitments, not feelings. Now let’s put these four keys to use.
Commitment Exercise In this exercise we will have you work through the process of establishing a set of 12 week commitments. Below is a 12 Week Year commitment worksheet with steps you can follow to complete:
- First, determine a few goals that would represent a real breakthrough for you in one of the categories in the commitment wheel: spiritual, spouse/relationship, family, community, physical, personal, or business. Write these goals in the section of Figure 19.2 titled “Goal Statements.” Remember to state these goals positively and with as much specificity as possible; make them measureable. As an example let’s use this goal: I will weigh 185 pounds and have 10 percent body fat. Figure 19.2 Personal commitments are a powerful way that you can create change in your life every 12 weeks.
- Next identify the keystone action that will have the biggest impact on reaching your goal. It’s important to note that we are not saying that this is necessarily the only action that you will need to take; it’s just the one with the greatest impact. Ideally, this action is something that you can engage in daily or weekly. Write one action for each goal in the column labeled “Keystone Actions.”
Sticking with my example of getting in shape, there are a lot of things I can do to lose weight and get fit. The two basic categories are diet and exercise, but within those I have dozens of choices regarding my nutritional choices and exercise habits. I need to choose one action that, more than any other, will positively impact my fitness. Ideally, it should be catalytic in that it will encourage me to do the other actions as well. Personally, if I work out four or more times per week, my eating habits automatically improve, so my keystone action for getting fit is working out. This is an important step because to be successful you will need to not only commit to your goal, but also, more importantly, commit to your keystone action! 3. Now, determine the costs that you will have to pay to consistently take that action every week. Write those in the box under “Commitment Costs.” This is where you surface any hidden intentions that may conflict with your stated goal. For example, the costs of working out every day might include giving up TV, cutting back on golf, socializing less, spending less time with my family, getting up earlier, and exercising regardless of how tired I feel. The costs of dieting might include giving up some of my favorite foods, reducing the number of times I eat out, and eating smaller portions. 4. Finally, circle the keystone actions for which you are willing to pay the costs. They are now your commitments for the next 12 Week Year! These are the actions that you will enter into your 12 week plan and execute each week. Commitments to Others The second type of commitment that I want to explore relates to the promises you make to others. To begin to address how to be even more
successful in keeping these promises, take a few minutes and answer the questions below: Think about a time when someone promised you something that was very important to you and didn’t do it. Describe the situation and how it made you feel. Recall a specific time when you made a commitment to someone else and you didn’t come through. How did they feel? How did you feel? What is the impact of broken promises on each party and on the relationships? When we ask participants in our workshops to tell us the results of a broken promise, here are just a few examples of comments we hear: Loss of integrity Loss of confidence in the person who let us down Loss of trust Breakdown in relationship It’s a short list, and an ugly one! Not following through on your commitments destroys relationships and contributes to failure and self- esteem issues. Most relational pain comes as a result of broken promises, either explicit or implicit. Explicit promises are your stated word, while implicit promises are inferred. Some common examples of implicit promises are: For a father or mother to protect their children from harm For a spouse to love and comfort their partner For a leader to provide vision and to act fairly For a leader to provide training and development We all have implicit promises with others that we need to be aware of. What are the implicit promises that you have in your professional and personal life? How are you delivering on these? In what ways can you improve? Just as there are steps to making and keeping personal commitments, there are also some key steps to keeping your stated promises with others: A strong desire to keep your word. If your word means little, then you will struggle to keep your promises. If you understand the fallout of broken promises and the benefits of keeping your promises, and if
your word is important to you, then you will be more likely to keep your promises with others. Count the costs. Just like with personal commitments it is important to count the costs before making a promise to someone, even though there are times when it is difficult in the moment to stop and consider them. If you commit, only later to realize that you are unable or unwilling to follow through, re-negotiate the promise quickly before it’s due. Act on your promises. Similar to personal commitments, there will be times when you just flat out don’t feel like following through. Those are the times when you will need to intentionally act on your promises, not your feelings. Thinking Shift To be consistent with your commitments will require you to align your thinking with a few core beliefs. The first is that it is okay to say no. People would rather you say no than break a promise. The challenge is that in the moment it can be hard to say no because you don’t want to disappoint anyone. They are standing right there in front of you, and you have this opportunity to contribute and help them out. It feels so much better to say yes, than no, but while saying no may disappoint in the moment, it is so much better in the long run than being overcommitted and not delivering on your promises. It’s okay to say no; it really is. Because commitments will require you to sacrifice, in addition to learning to say no, you will need to train yourself to think about and connect with the longer-term benefits versus the short-term inconvenience and discomfort. Delayed gratification is the productive thought. This is not a concept that most people seem interested in, yet it remains the straightest line to your goals. That is why the first key to effective commitments is a strong desire. The commitment mind-set is to choose pleasurable results over pleasurable activity. With commitments, and anything you are serious about for that matter, don’t give yourself a psychological out. Jim Collins wrote a terrific article for Fast Company entitled “Leadership Lessons of a Rock Climber.” In it he
introduced the concept of failure versus “fallure.” Jim used his experience as a rock climber to describe the concept. Here’s an excerpt: Failure and fallure. The difference is subtle, but it is all the difference in the world. In fallure, you still do not get up the route, but you never let go. In fallure you fall; in failure you let go. Going to fallure means full commitment to go up—even if the odds of success are less than 20%, 10%, or even 5%. You leave nothing in reserve, no mental or physical resource untapped. In fallure, you never give yourself a psychological out: “Well, I didn’t really give it everything. . . . I might have made it with my best effort.” In fallure, you always give your full best—despite the fear, pain, lactic acid, and uncertainty. To the outside observer, failure and fallure look similar (you fly through the air in both cases), but the inner experience of fallure is totally different from that of failure. You’ll only find your true limit when you go to fallure, not failure. Commitments by definition demand you “go to fallure, not failure.” Set it in your mind right now that the process is more important than the result. You don’t control the result; what you control are your actions. Don’t worry that your goal might be too big or that you might fall short—so what? When you make a commitment, don’t give yourself an out. The final suggestion as it relates to your thinking is this: You need to know that every time you push through the fear, uncertainty, and doubt that accompanies any challenge, the benefits go far beyond the particular situation and shape who you become in the process. There is something empowering and liberating about knowing if you say you’re going to do something that you can count on yourself to come through! Team Application As a leader, your ability to make and keep commitments is essential in building and maintaining strong relationships and a productive workforce. Broken promises drain emotional bank accounts and damage relationships. One of our clients, Jim, the CEO of a successful financial services firm, was meeting with one of his direct reports and sensed an underlying
tension. The conversation seemed less open and much more strained than usual, so Jim confronted the problem and asked if anything was wrong. The person pointed out that Jim had agreed to do something but had failed to follow through with it. Until that moment, Jim had been completely unaware of the broken promise. When he looked back through his notes, sure enough, there it was, his commitment to check on an item and get back within the week. At that point two months had passed since he had made the agreement. What I find interesting about this situation is that the associate had not said anything about it, and may have never said anything if Jim hadn’t had the insight to notice and the courage to ask, but clearly it was affecting how he felt about Jim and his working relationship with him. You are not going to be perfect, but as much as possible, be aware of the commitments you make and do everything in your power to deliver on time. If you want a culture that is good at keeping commitments and people who follow through on what they say, then be a role model for your team. Common Pitfalls and Success Tips Pitfall 1: You miss a commitment once and give up. Sometimes life gets in the way and you are not able to meet your commitments, so you disappoint yourself and others. When this happens, it is important to get right back on the horse. Don’t give up! Pitfall 2: You fail to confront missed commitments. A commitment isn’t an interest that gets abandoned when it gets difficult. When things get in the way of meeting a commitment, it is important to dig into why. Confront the breakdown right away and recommit to paying the price. In that way, you grow your ability to make and meet commitments in the future. Pitfall 3: You don’t value your word. Sometimes we make promises that we cannot keep. Many times we know this before we make the promise. We avoid short-term relationship pain by saying yes when we should say no. The problem
is that when you break your word, you damage relationships. Others feel that they can no longer trust you. When you value keeping your word, you avoid making promises that you know you cannot or will not keep. Tip 1: Don’t overcommit. Commitments are serious; treat them that way. Don’t take on more than you can handle. With personal commitments two or three is usually plenty, and in some cases committing to one thing is even better. With your promises to others, know that most people would rather hear you say no than say yes and not deliver. Tip 2: Go public with your commitments. If you are serious about your commitments, then tell someone you trust. Any time you tell a friend or coworker about a commitment, it creates an added level of determination on your part to follow through. Tip 3: Buddy up. As with so many things in life, it’s easier with a friend. Where possible, find a friend, coworker, or family member to engage along with you. The support and encouragement increases your odds of success and makes the process more fun.